Everybody knows that Thanksgiving is for eating a lot of god damn food and spending money on discounts named after days in which terrible things happened. Here are a bunch of not-terrible things I am thankful for this year:
I’m thankful for my new home, both the city in which it resides and the people who have welcomed me with open arms.
I’m thankful for my friends and family who support and believe in me and put up with my near-constant ignorance of the three hour time difference that separates us*.
I’m appreciative to be alive in 2014 in a western country, and so far showing no signs of hereditary hair loss.
I’m satisfied and obliged for online thesauruses.
I’m thankful for Rogers GameCentre** because until the copulation of two gigantic corporate entities, I had no options to follow my favorite hockey club in my current location three time zones away. A man without a constantly underachieving sports team to root for is not a man***.
I’m thankful for the internet because it allows me to stay connected to a world that I so often feel disconnected from.****
Have a wonderful day doing whatever you are doing. Annotations follow:
* If I’ve woken you up at 4 AM with a text message, I’m sorry and maybe turn your ringer off when you go to bed.
** If anyone from Roger’s is reading this and thinks that a offhanded plug is worthy of a thank you gift, I’ll gladly take five years of free access to GameCentre (value of $1000.00 CDN) or lunch with Mark Messier (he pays; value of $1000.00 CDN) so I can ask him about his time in Vancouver and if he’s ready to apologize yet.
*** This is simply not true but it sounded good so I kept it because I know I can annotate pretty much any bullshit on here for comedic contrast. You know what really makes a man “a man”? Penis and testicles.
**** See image below: