Online dating is like a sewer: I’ve always been aware of its presence, vaguely understanding of how it works and what it’s for. But until you rip off the manhole* and dive face-first into the abyss… until your senses are dulled by the stark change of environment, and you realize everything that made you comfortable** doesn’t exist anymore***… until you your knees buckle under the weight of a hundred new social constructs raining down**** as if every member of Hitler’s advancing troops on Poland were replaced with Rip Taylor clones*****… until you grasp around in darkness, unsure of what your hand will touch but all things considered you’ll take anything… I think I’m over the sewer metaphor. It’s not coming across.
* There is no further joke here.
** (above ground)
*** (in the sewer).
**** Like dirty poop-water one may find seeping from a cracked pipe, running overhead in the aforementioned sewer
***** If that offended you, you sure don’t know your basic fucking Rip Taylor, do you?